What do you want to be when you grow up?
Today, let’s delve deep into the nerd aspect of Nerd Fitness and turn life into a giant role-playing game. Why? Because it’s damn fun, nerdy, and quite applicable. If you’ve played World of Warcraft, Everquest, Final Fantasy, or practically any fantasy-based RPG this article will feel right at home. If you have no clue what I’m talking about, this will still be a fun exercise for you.
I promise. Let’s get started.
Your Race is Already Determined
Before you pick your profession, let’s talk about your “race.” Every RPG always has elves, hobbits, ogres, trolls, humans, wood elves, night elves, etc. Each race has their own particular attributes that make them who they are. Take a look in the mirror RIGHT NOW. That’s your race. 300 pounds overweight, 50 pounds underweight, average, tall, short, beer gut, 6-pack abs, etc. These are attributes about yourself that you cannot change immediately, so that’s your starting point. Depending on your “race,” certain professions will be easier or harder for you to obtain.
Here’s an example: If you are an ogre (really tall and quite overweight), it’s going to be more work for you to become a really good Assassin (Parkour traceur), but if you’re willing to put the time in, anything is possible. Maybe you’re an elf (incredibly thin) and you want to be a super-strong Warrior. You’re going to need to spend months and months eating insane amounts of calories and lifting heavy weights to get results, but it is possible.
Make sense? Good! Let’s check out the different professions.
Warrior
This tank is incredibly strong and powerful, pushing weight like it’s his job. Which is good, because it IS his job. Big, bulky, and strong as an ox, Warriors constantly try to push themselves to be bigger, better, stronger. Eating and lifting are the only two things Warriors worry about. You do NOT want to go punch for punch with a Warrior. You will get destroyed.
Primary attributes: Strength, power
Training: Pure strength-building weight training, Olympic lifting.
Real life example: Any World’s Strongest Man competitor.
Scout
Scouts can cover great distances in a short amount of time. Built for distance and efficiency rather than strength and power, these guys can outlast any animal on the planet. They eat a diet higher in carbohydrates to give them enough fuel to survive these grueling treks cross-country, and their muscles are designed to last for hours rather than minutes or seconds (like a Warrior). A growing contingent of scouts have moved to barefoot running, returning to their ancient ancestral roots.
Primary attributes: Stamina, endurance.
Training: Lots of distance training, long bike rides, high volume exercises with any sort of weight training.
Real life example: Marathon runners, Ironman athletes.
Ranger
Rangers are a hybrid of Warriors and Scouts, built for strength AND endurance. A jack-of-all-trades but master of none, Rangers are well-equipped for any situation. Their weight training revolves around varying the reps, sets, and downtime to continually force those body to adapt to new situations. Usually Rangers follow a Paleo Diet, eating things that can only be found in nature. Thanks to this type of training and diet, Rangers have incredibly low body-fat percentages.
Primary attributes: Functional strength, adaptability.
Training: Lots of weight training but with minimal downtime (think crossfit and 300 training).
Real Life example: Gerard Butler in 300.
Assassin
To assassins, the world is one giant playground. Every building can be climbed, every gap can be jumped, every obstacle can be conquered. Assassins spend most of their time training with functional body weight exercises as that’s usually the only thing they need to lift.
Fearless, calculated, and efficient, Assassins have low body fat percentages because extra weight could mean the difference between life and death on a mission. They have solid endurance as well, allowing them to progress through an obstacle-filled environment without breaking a sweat.
Primary Attributes: Agility, stamina
Training: Parkour, free running, rock climbing.
Real World example: Parkour traceurs, free runners, most athletes on Ninja Warrior.
Monk
This isn’t the monk you’re used to. These monks can kick your ass with their fists and feet, and they will do it before you even knew what happened. Incredibly agile, lightning fast, and loaded with power, Monks specialize in martial arts to stay in shape and destroy the opposition.
Training is mostly spent in dojos and in the ring, with some weight training thrown in to help produce stronger punches and kicks. Monks only carry enough weight and muscle to provide maximum efficiency with each attack. Muscles are compact and powerful, core strength is high, and speed is favored over size.
Primary Attributes: Agility, power
Training: MMA, Capoeria, Muay Thai boxing, Tai Kwon Do
Real life example: Georges St. Pierre (MMA fighter).
Druid
Druids are one with nature. Often vegan or vegetarian, they specialize in being one with themselves, finding balance in everything. These peaceful folk spend a majority of their time training in the arts of yoga, meditation, and tai chi. Strength training is only done if necessary, as most druids aren’t interested in massive muscles or explosive power. Druids also follow a minimalist diet, high in vegetables, fruits, and nuts. Some eat meat, but only enough to get sufficient protein. Processed foods are the enemy.
Primary attributes: agility, flexibility
Training: meditation, yoga, tai chi
Real life example: Yoga instructors.
My Profession
I was born an elf (incredibly thin, can’t put on any weight or muscle without tons of effort), and I want to be a Warrior/Ranger hybrid…let’s call it a Berzerker class?
That sounds pretty bad ass, so I’m going with it.
I have to eat tons of high quality calories every day while spending my training hours in the gym. I focus on lift like squats, deadlifts, presses, pull ups, dips, and chin ups. I vary my rep range and downtime between sets to build strength, power, and muscle size. Eventually I’d love to add in some Assassin (parkour) and Monk (capoeira) training – I just don’t have the time right now.
Sure, it’d be a much quicker path for me to become a scout (as I already have the body type), but I hate running and I don’t want to look like a marathon runner, so I picked a different direction.
Why?
Because I can. It’s my world.
How About You?
Spartans, “What is your PROFESSION!?”
Leave a comment with your current race and what profession you’re going after. I picked six classes up above to keep things simple, but let me know if I left out one that should be in there. Feel free to combine two classes like I did as well. Just so we’re clear: all classes are gender-neutral, so you can be a female warrior or male druid. There are no restrictions.
This is something that won’t happen for quite a while, but eventually I’d love to create specific guides for each class so that the NF rebel army can specialize in their training and help the Rebellion grow stronger…
I’m curious to see how many we have of each class.
What do you want to be when you grow up?
-Steve
By the way, have you signed up for the May 28-Day Challenge? Winners will get an NF T-shirt.
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Photo: KennyMatic
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