I spent this past weekend at a small writer retreat in New York City.
It was 6 of my favorite people on this planet, all of whom are incredible authors and writers.
I also got to try out the Apple Vision Pro. I couldn’t possibly rob you of this absurd photo of me looking dumbfounded at being “on the moon”:
Anyways! I would have attended this retreat if it took place in Antarctica or actually on the moon. It’s unbelievably important to spend time with people who make me want to become a better version of myself, as often as possible.
Which brings me to the point of today’s email:
Grapes!
I’ve been revisiting some of my favorite epic fiction lately:
I reread Dune in anticipation of Dune: Part 2. I just finished rereading Three Body Problem before the Netflix series drops later this month. I’m also revisiting Larry McMurtry’s Lonesome Dove, a sprawling epic about cowboys and cattle in the late 1870s.
There’s a paragraph in that book I want to draw attention to:
Augustus McCrae added the phrase “Uva Uvam Vivendo Varia Fit” to the Hat Creek Cattle Company sign, because it “seemed to him a beautiful motto, whatever it meant.”
Augustus didn’t say a word about the motto, and it was a good two months before anybody even noticed it, which showed how unobservant the citizens of Lonesome Dove really were.
Although August might not have known what the phrase meant, the rest of us can decipher it (thanks internet!). Now, some of the phrasing is an incorrect translation, but I think we can forgive a cowboy back in 1870 for such a mistake.
Let’s look at the phrase, roughly translated:
“A grape changes color when it sees another grape.”
In other words, we start to become more like the people we spend the most time with.
Over the past year, writing has become the most important part of my day. In order for me to become a better writer, I’m spending as much time as possible doing three things:
- Writing (duh).
- Revisiting my favorite books.
- Meeting authors I admire, like at this writer retreat!
My grape will change color by spending more time on these. I know I’m being influenced directly, indirectly, subtly, and subconsciously too.
It just…happens.
Here’s what’s going on:
If there’s a particular goal we’re trying to accomplish, or a behavior we’re looking to change, we need to remember that a grape changes color when it sees another grape.
My friend James Clear discusses this in Atomic Habits perfectly:
If you want to change, spend time with people whose normal behavior is your desired behavior:
“New habits seem achievable when you see others doing them every day.
If you are surrounded by fit people, you’re more likely to consider working out to be a common habit. If you’re surrounded by jazz lovers, you’re more likely to believe it’s reasonable to play jazz every day.
Your culture sets your expectation for what is “normal.” Surround yourself with people who have the habits you want to have yourself. You’ll rise together.”
So, what does this look like in practice?
- Want to become a runner? Join a running club (or start one).
- Want to learn how to eat better? Eat more meals with people who you admire and see how they eat, especially at restaurants.
- Want to learn how to strength train? Spend more time at the gym, even if you don’t exercise quite yet!
We’re influenced both positively and negatively by the other grapes in our life, which means progress can include cutting out people who are overly negative, or whose normal behavior is a behavior you’re trying to eliminate or reduce.
A grape changes a color when it sees another grape. A human starts to evolve based on the time they spend with other humans, whether or not they realize it.
My question to you:
What do the grapes look like around you?
Are those grapes helping you become the best grape you can be?
-Steve
